Found this on @olwd ‘s page. And now I’m doing this survey. And you should too!

01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

Which one? For the ones right now, because we established a good connection and get along with plenty of things to talk about. 

02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you?

My head and stomach. Not sure if I ate something bad yesterday. 

03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night?

Hope I don’t look like a terrorist in my new driver’s license photo tomorrow. 

04: what are you listening to?

The whirring of my computer fans… and my typing.

05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?

Not sure.

06: where do you think your best friend is right now?

Again, which one? Possibly soaking up the sun at a beach. Working? 

07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days?

I haven’t kissed anyone in the past 1+ years. 

08: sex on the first date?

I don’t rule it out, but so far, I haven’t done it. 

09: kiss on the first date?

If the feeling is right… (this feels like a dating profile questionnaire…)  

10: is there one person you want to be with right now?

No.

11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life?

Sure? I would say around 80% happy.

12: is there something you would like to say to someone?

Looking good today.

13: what are three things you did today?

Hmm, got my license renewed, ate, and slept…. 

14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?

Doesn’t really matter, I guess.

15: what is your favorite kind of gum?

I don’t really chew gum anymore…. but I do like Hi-Chew taffy. 

16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?

I’m friends with half of them. I haven’t talked to them in a while, though. I probably should call to catch up.

17: what is on your wrists right now?

Nothing at all. I don’t like wear things on my wrists. 

18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?

Plenty of times. 

19: does anyone have strong feelings for you?

I would hope so.

20: are you slowly drifting away from someone?

I hope not.

21: have you ever wasted your time on someone?

I think, maybe?

22: can you do the alphabet in sign language?

I only remember J and P.

23: how have you felt today?

Tired… and pooey… like have to use the bathroom pooey.

24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?

Most likely food.

25: what is wrong with you right now?

“WHAT’S YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, PRIVATE?!”

26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?

No, no one at the moment.

27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?

Not sure, but probably Starbucks. Even though I like Dunkin better…

28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?

Well, it wasn’t really ever love. It never blossomed to that point and that spark just fizzled out.

29: how late did you stay up last night and why?

2:30? I was watching old Family Guy episodes…

30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Hmmm…. I’m sure I have pretty recently. 

31: what were you doing an hour ago?

Napping.

32: what are you looking forward to in the next month?

Beach time with friends…. and maybe someone coming to visit me.

33: are you wearing jeans right now?

Nope. Shorts.

34: are you a patient person?

Not as much as I used to be, but I would still say pretty patient. 

35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?

I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years, and also most of my relationships last about a year. 

36: favorite color?

It varies, but I usually like bold and bright colors. 

37: did you have a dream last night?

I don’t know if it was last night or when I was just napping, but I dreamt that a long time friend I knew walked by me without saying hello or waving, even thought they saw me. 

38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

This question…. 

39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?

Probably someone I like. 

40: do you love anyone who is not related to you?

Of course.

41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

Yes. 

42: do you like meeting new people?

Of course, but I can be a bit shy.

43: are you afraid of falling in love?

No.

44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself?

Nope. 

45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

Well, someone told me they liked my eyes. 

46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

A lot when I was younger. And sometimes even recently. 

Kinda strange thing I noticed, but I’m the only person in my homebound-niche friends who is single; everyone else is in a long-term committed relationship, engaged, or married. A little saddening…. but what can I do…

… if I had a dog…. which I want one….

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything of substantial heavyness on here (not that I feel I always have to, but just something I noticed). And sometimes, I always wonder if life has a way of piling things on the longer anything has yet to happen.

Last night, while staying at my other aunt’s place, I couldn’t sleep. It could be the futon that I’m sleeping on, but the prior 2 nights, I have had no problem dozing off on the same futon. I even fell asleep on their floor. And somehow, I chalk it up to rampant thoughts again. This time, more about friendships than anything.

I truly believe that friendship is a two-way street (as it should be). I guess what triggered this thought cycle last night was that I discovered a friend unfriended me last night on Facebook. It wasn’t that I was upset about it, but more so confused about why. Did I say something wrong? Did I post something that they didn’t like? Who knows… I sent another request, thinking maybe they just decided to make another profile and was in the process of rebuilding their friends list. Then, I started thinking about my friendship with this girl whom has came back into my life after disappearing for a little bit. We’ve gotten lunch together for the past week/week and a half since she now works closer to where I work (for the summer anyways). Before that disappearance, we have hung out a lot. I liked her a lot. The same girl who I wrote about before, where things just didn’t work out in my favor. Now, we see each other pretty often. Lunch has became a routine thing for us. We always greet each other with a warm, long hug. We playfully play punch, poke, and tickle each other. Still, as much as these signs might point to somewhat of an interest building up, I’m afraid to ask again (in the name of clairty). I’m afraid of just somehow awkwardly creating that space betweem us again. The feelings have came back. I would say yes if she were to show interest in starting a relationship. But somehow, I feel like, in all reality, that’s not what’s going to happen. We’re going to see a movie tonight after work, and at the moment, I’m just keeping my mouth shut.

I also thought about past friendships that I felt have been dwindling away. These friendships existed back in my home state. Friends that I knew from my childhood. And now, I think about how little, if at all, we chat. I’ve tried reaching out to a few and we have exchanged some messages here and there. I’m still looking for some time when I head back home to catch up with them in person. And then I start to wonder if actually moving to NYC has really created all this (literal and figurative) distance. I know that people say that you will always make new friends as you go on in life. I also want to maintain those friendships that I have developed in the past years, mainly because of when they were there for me, and just how much of my life they make up. I’ve been steadily making some more friends while I’m here (and I wish to actually meet them in person, for those I’ve met online). I just also want to tap back into my roots and reignite those old friendships.

It’s more now that I’m wondering if I’m just trying way too hard. And as a result of that, if it is what’s leading me to feel so… sad and empty.

Luckily, this coffee can help keep me awake today as well as clear my mind. Running on 2 hours of sleep isn’t fun, especially when you have a million thoughts running through your mind.

• 1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Possibly. She was my date Monday. 
• 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope.
• 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Yes, but she also took mine. 
• 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Not really. But, I’m more cautious now than I was back then.
• 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes.
• 6. What are you excited for? Fourth of July, perhaps?
• 7. What happened tonight? Moved in temporary with my other aunt… and now sweating my ass off.
• 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? A bit. Not attractive.
• 9. Is confidence cute? Yes.
• 10. What is the last beverage you had? Soup.
• 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Plenty.
• 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? No.
• 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Not sure.
• 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Probably food… because I’m a fattie. 
• 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? No.
• 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Of course. We’re always changing.
• 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? There’s a bunch of people…
• 18. The last time you felt broken? Recently… not sure the exact time…
• 19. Have you had sex today? No. I wish, though.
• 20. Are you starting to realize anything? Many.
• 21. Are you in a good mood? I’m alright.
• 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No
• 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? I think so. 
• 24. What do you want right this second? A/C blasting at me… 
• 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Probably nothing.
• 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes.
• 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No. No sense of humor is a deal breaker for me. However, if they are trying, bless their heart.
• 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? I saw a gif.
• 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? I miss a certain few…
• 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Depends on what they did to warrant a second chance…
• 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? No… he’s my gay buddy.
• 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? I’m sure she does. 
• 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I drink in rare occasions.
• 34. Listening to? A Chinese drama playing in the background.
• 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? I draw in pencil…
• 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? No idea.
• 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No.
• 38. Who did you last call? I don’t remember…
• 39. Who was the last person you danced with? I don’t remember that either… :
• 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? We were dating at the time…. over a year ago.
• 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? It’s been a while.
• 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No.
• 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Plenty of times.
• 44. Do you tan in the nude? Nope. 
• 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No.
• 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No… :
• 47. Who was the last person to call you? My friend… whom I wish was more…
• 48. Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes… “I found Dove in a soapless place…”
• 49. Do you dance in the car? Sometimes.
• 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes.
• 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Senior year in high school?
• 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Kinda. Depends.
• 53. Is Christmas stressful? No. I love Christmas and spending time with family.
• 54. Ever eat a pierogi? Yes.
• 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple or keylime.
• 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Car designer, animator…
• 57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.
• 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Plenty of times.
• 59. Take a vitamin daily? No.
• 60. Wear slippers? Yes.
• 61. Wear a bath robe? Nope.
• 62. What do you wear to bed? Shorts.
• 63. First concert? Coldplay.
• 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target. Don’t like Walmart.
• 65. Nike or Adidas? At the moment, I have Puma and Converse.
• 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Both.
• 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts.
• 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Trouble Goat Remix
• 69. Ever take dance lessons? I took a few ballroom lessons. I know the Waltz. 
• 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Any is fine. But perhaps something design so we can geek out together.
• 71. Can you curl your tongue? Maybe?
• 72. Ever won a spelling bee? In 3rd grade. I stopped that the word “certain” because I kept spelling it with an S.
• 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
• 74. What is your favorite book? World War Z and Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.
• 75. Do you study better with or without music? Without. It places non-text words into my head.
• 76. Regularly burn incense? No.
• 77. Ever been in love? Yes.
• 78. Who would you like to see in concert? Daft Punk, Avenged Sevenfold, Muse
• 79. What was the last concert you saw? Linkin Park
• 80. Hot tea or cold tea? Iced tea.
• 81. Tea or coffee? Both. Milk Tea with Coffee….mmmm.
• 82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, or double chocolate chip.
• 83. Can you swim well? Not really.
• 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.
• 85. Are you patient? Everyone says I’m quite patient.
• 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ
• 87. Ever won a contest? I don’t remember…
• 88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope.
• 89. Which are better black or green olives? Never had green olives, but I like olives.
• 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Do what you want.
• 91. Best room for a fireplace? A room that needs heat?
• 92. Do you want to get married? If I meet the right person.

Just got back from my date. She was slightly different in person (personality wise); she talked very fast and very talkative (which is good). We got some Japanese food ( I had yakitori and she had some salmon with rice). We talked a lot about food, school, and even cracked some Asian jokes at each other. We also got bubble tea after and walked and talked. It was a pretty short date, though. She wanted to get a run in before the sun went down, so we said our byes and headed our separate directions. 

That was weird.

I wanted to write an entry last night, but somehow I just passed out around 9:40 ish; I usually go to sleep around midnight. And then I woke up around 4:25 this morning.

Anywho, yesterday, on my break, I was able to meet up with someone that I haven’t seen in a while. It’s the same girl who’s very bad at responding to my messages. But now, ever since she started her internship, she’s been texting me and responding pretty often. We met up for lunch and caught up a bit. We chatted about World War Z (the book) and how we felt that the movie might end up being a disappointment, our jobs and how they are going, etc. When we were about to head back to work, we hugged and she made a joke about my penis. I’ll explain: when we hugged, she said she felt something poke her. She thought it was her work ID, but then realized it was too low to be that. She realized that it was my belt buckle (even though she thought I was excited to see her, which I was, but not in that sense). We’re gonna meet up for lunch again today.

I also have a date coming up Monday night. This girl and I have been messaging for about two weeks now. We’ll see how this goes.

Hope you guys had a good week.

A Xanga Autobiography 

by duckie (stolen from @Thatslifekid)

Xanga Username:  laytexduckie 

Xanga Birthdate: I entered the Xangaverse in December 2004. 

Xanga Badges:  True Blue. Or, um…. just True.

Xanga Profile Picture: Me in Times Square showing off my shirt to @Lives4Waffles. 

First Xanga Friend: My girlfriend at the time (I don’t think she has a profile anymore). 

Subsequent Early Xanga Friends: A lot of friends between the girlfriend and I, as well as school friends.

Xanga BFFs: @sugar_mama , @nihaokeisha 

Xanga Family: My brother, but I don’t think he has a profile anymore either. He was on here before I was.

Other Close Xanga Pals:  A lot, actually. @Coffee_kaioken, @Foodhog, @Mellywelly15, @olwd, @lives4waffles, @thatslifekid, @thegunslingergirl, @suuperstar, @Got_claws, @iiflyhigh, @jennylovve, @isitreal_no, @annieothergirl, @wretched_epiphany… 

Xangans Who’ve Moved On But Are Worth Mentioning:  TheBigShowatUD

Xanga Likes:  The community, getting to meet some Xangans in real life, a great place for me to just let everything out when I need to. 

Xanga Dislikes: Trolls

Official Xanga Achievements: None that I know of. I think @Roadlesstaken and @Cakalusa took the title of Notorious Xanga Asians.  

Unofficial Xanga Achievements: I was a Mr. Xanga competitor back in… 2008 or 2009?

Recommending Habit: I only rec posts that are well-written and/or hilarious. 

Commenting Habit: I comment when I actually have something to say. I know that half of the time, I hover and read silently. Sometimes, I just don’t have anything to say. 

Timestamping:  I timestamp on occasion, depending on the importance of the post. 

Protected Posting: I rarely Protected Post anymore, but there are occasions when I have to. I’m a pretty open book. 

Xanga Themes: Haven’t used any…

Xanga Pulse: @olwd and I have long conversations with each other. 

Xanga Plugz: Haven’t gotten any… though, never really planned to.

Xanga Hopes: That somehow, this Xangacalypse is all just a dream and we get to keep Xanga going. Also, I want to meet more people.

Last Words:  Never last words, but just see you guys later. Maybe even on Xanga 2.0. Also, HUGS.

My dad describes it pretty well:

Hope everybody had a great Father’s Day.

Earlier this week, I remembered that I felt guilty. Besides the reason of feeling selfish when I wanted someone to talk to me for more than one message and in quicker response than in four days, I also felt like there were a lot of people that I have lost touch with. So, on Wednesday, I remembered that I sent a text to a friend that I haven’t contacted in a while. She is probably the friend that I’ve known the longest for (almost 20 years) along with her sister. I texted her and we got to chatting for a bit before she had to go to work. 

Today, I have been feeling a full range of emotions: frustrated, selfish, then guilty. It does have to do with a certain someone again. I’m frustrated with them because I only hear from them a minimum of 3-4 days after I send a message. And then when they do respond, it takes another few days before I hear from them again. I feel like I have to send multiple messages before I finally get more than just a “hi” from them. I don’t understand how it is difficult to carry a good conversation for maybe 20 minutes, yet they have the time to go on Facebook and like my posts. How is it when we used to talk, they can respond to me just like that for a good 1 to 2 hours, and now I can barely get more than a general “hello” from them?

Then this is the part where I feel selfish. Where somehow I expect to adhere to my reasonable restraints of when and how long to message back. I don’t feel like I’m asking for much; just a nice flow of slightly catching up and even seeing they are free sometime soon to do something. But then, I feel like why should they have to always answer to me? What makes me worthwhile that they should set some time aside for me? Then I feel guilty that I’m even questioning their intentions on why they’re not responding in a considerable amount of time.

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t put enough assertion on how much this frustrates me. But when I want to, I feel like a selfish, psychotic asshole. And then I have the lingering fear that if I do become assertive about it, it might push them away even more…

That’s why today, I feel like a giant sack of shit…