June 12, 2013

• Today, I have been feeling a full range of emotions: frustrated, selfish, then guilty. It does have to do with a certain someone again. I’m frustrated with them because I only hear from them a minimum of 3-4 days after I send a message. And then when they do respond, it takes another few days before I hear from them again. I feel like I have to send multiple messages before I finally get more than just a “hi” from them. I don’t understand how it is difficult to carry a good conversation for maybe 20 minutes, yet they have the time to go on Facebook and like my posts. How is it when we used to talk, they can respond to me just like that for a good 1 to 2 hours, and now I can barely get more than a general “hello” from them?

  Then this is the part where I feel selfish. Where somehow I expect to adhere to my reasonable restraints of when and how long to message back. I don’t feel like I’m asking for much; just a nice flow of slightly catching up and even seeing they are free sometime soon to do something. But then, I feel like why should they have to always answer to me? What makes me worthwhile that they should set some time aside for me? Then I feel guilty that I’m even questioning their intentions on why they’re not responding in a considerable amount of time.

  Sometimes, I feel like I don’t put enough assertion on how much this frustrates me. But when I want to, I feel like a selfish, psychotic asshole. And then I have the lingering fear that if I do become assertive about it, it might push them away even more…

  That’s why today, I feel like a giant sack of shit…

  • 1:15 pm
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