Month: August 2013

  • Night Terror

    You guys have read about my dreams. But I think for the first time in a while, I had a night terror.

    I already was having a hard time falling asleep. My parents were staying over and stay in the same room as me (since I have two beds). For me, it always takes me a while before I doze off. Regardless of who it is, I’m always the last one to sleep when I’m sharing a room/bed with someone. And to top it off, those who snore make it harder for me to fall asleep since my hearing usually zones in on noises. 
    But anyways, when I was finally able to fall asleep after staring at my ceiling for 2-3 hours, the terror took place in a TV room. I don’t recognize the room, but the couch was in front of a wide closet. I was sitting on the couch watching TV with 3 other people. The closet door slammed open really quickly and something came out of it. Imagine Linda Blair from the Exorcist mixed with the boy from the Grudge. The looks of the boy, but his arms and legs were all twisted in unhuman positions crawling all over the floor, about to lunge at us.
    That’s when I woke up…. slightly terrified. Even though I knew that such a thing didn’t exist… 

  • Weird Dream (Updated)

    Last night, I had one of the weirdest dreams that I can remember.

    How it started out was that my brother and I heard about a little girl (probably 7 – 8 years old) who had a terminal disease. We received a phone call about it and the parents asked us to make her some sort of memorial. Somehow, the memorial in question was me donating my car as an art piece after painting it. So, my brother had an idea of a landscape on the car. We drove out in search of this picturisque landscape. My brother wasn’t paying attention and he drove us into a lake. We luckily got out of the car and swam to shore. We tried to salvage what we could of the car, but it was no good. Some weird animal (guessing a small alligator) was gnawing on the rear tire of the car. We tried to devise another plan.

    We ran back to the house and found out the parents of the girl were also getting married? They came up to us because they wanted to know how the progress of the car was going. I blurted out, “We decided to use my brother’s truck instead.” Strangely enough, it was a big blue Chevy pickup from the late 90′s that I remembered (even though in real life my brother owned no such thing). The parents and my dad stared at us when we showed them the truck.

    That was really all to it for the dream.

    UPDATE

    Upon reading about the items in my dream, Dreammoods notes that the connecting theme between all of them is that my emotional state is in distress. With the lake, my emotions are being repressed, unable to express them freely. With the car being driven into the lake, I am currently harboring some deep anxieties and fears. Since my brother was driving and I was the passenger, it notes that I’m being passive. The car in the lake signifies that I’m about to be taken on an emotional journey. That I’m having sudden feelings of regret and sadness over an abandoned goal. The little girl with cancer says that I’m having too much negative thoughts and that I need to be more positive; otherwise, these thoughts will eat away at me. And the alligator… it says that I need to view a situation from a new perspective.

    Still letting it sink in before really processing and connecting/piecing it together.

  • Ben Bits 12 (It’s Been A While)

    1. I just can’t win with my current phone anymore. I’m still waiting for newer phones to be available on my carrier, so I still have to put up with this phone. Over the course of having it, the phone sometimes disconnects the SD memory card in the middle of playing music and says that the music file is not a supported media file. Usually a reboot of the phone fixes that (even though it’s still pretty annoying to do that). Now, after coming back from the beach, the phone does not recognize the SD card at all. Even after several reboots, taking the card out and putting it back in, the phone just refused to acknowledge that the card is there. Not only am I without music when I head to and from work, but even my saving grace for my bus ride on Sunday, Pandora, refuses to work too. I’m seriously about to destroy my phone in a fit of rage. One of the phones I’m looking at will come out this Thursday, another next Tuesday, and the last probably towards the end of the month. I’m slowly losing my patience with this patience (whatever’s left of it) and just want a new phone already. #FirstWorldProblems

    2. Even after having a great weekend with close friends, I still feel…. not all the way up where I should be. Maybe it’s because I recently saw that another friend got married and that one of my best friends from school will be getting married in two months. That I’m constantly reminded that I don’t have a certain someone to share such fun and intimate times with. I try not to think about it too much, but usually, I have it appear in front of my face in person or on Facebook. 
    3. I’m having cravings for snacks late at night (like right now), and I don’t want to snack on chips or things that aren’t necessarily healthy. Tomorrow, I might pick back up that pickle snack plan as well as some baby carrots and some veggie dip. 
    4. I guess in the same vein as number two, I haven’t really been using my OKCupid account as much anymore. I’m starting to get tired and frustrated with it. 
    5. At least with work, I no longer have to take furlough and can now make back my $672 a month that I’ve been missing out on because of the sequester. 
    6. I’m saving up for a trip to Hong Kong with my family in January. It’s been 13 years since I’ve been back, and I’m anxious and excited to go back. I also might get a chance to meet another Xangan! 
    7. I hope you guys are having a good start to the week. Hugs and love to you guys. 
    - Ben

  • Weekend

    This weekend, I took a couple days off from work and headed down to the beach with some of my closest friends. We have been going on this beach trip for about 10 years, I believe. It’s a small tradition that that group of friends do. This year wasn’t any different.

    The first night, we had our usual drinking night with games of Kings, Flip Cup, Beer pong… A friend had a little too much and got sick that night… as well as into the next morning. We play mini golf each year and decided to try a different course this year. I got a hole-in-one! As well as only two other friends. We also had a small cookout with burgers, hotdogs, chili, some pasta salad, and some good ol’ drinking some more. I made myself some Shandies (beer and lemonade mixed together) as well as a whole bottle of Bloody Mary mix to myself. I usually drink it virgin mainly because I love the taste without the vodka. 
    Saturday, we went to the beach. One friend couldn’t make it this year. So, as a commemoration to him (since he loves Batman), I had a friend draw the Batman logo on my chest with sunblock so I can get a sun tattoo. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but it was the thought that counts. Hahah. We also went to dinner at a seafood place called Crabby Dicks. I got me some raw oysters, clams, and some friend shrimp. We hit up the boardwalk afterwards, got some frozen custard (mmm mmm mmm), and walked around a little more. There was some slight drama from some past friend whose SO didn’t mesh very well with our group, and after 5 minutes of her bickering, we just said by and went off in our separate directions. We spend the last night at the house playing some card games, chatting.
    It was a nice break from work and all this mind-clutter that I had. I hope everyone else had a great weekend.
    PHOTOS!!
    With love always,
    Ben

  • I remembered on Monday, I was having a sort of dark cloud hanging over me. I didn’t know what caused the cloud to appear or to have it affect my mood… it was just there.

    And now, as I observed my surroundings the past few days, I think I know why. I think I’m starting to have a disconnect with some of the people in my life. Somehow the energy is off between me and those people when we converse or see each other in person. I don’t know if it’s because I’m reacting to that irregular aura between us, or maybe I might be feeling something off in their energy with something or someone else. I just think that maybe what I look or sound like to them is that I’m not all there. It’s been hard trying to fall asleep the past several days and I wake up even more tired than usual. I even try to go to bed early and still wake up exhausted. 
    Luckily, today starts a 4 day vacation that I most likely need. Some friends and I are doing our annual beach trip. It will give me a chance to get away from a work-filled clouded mind and reconnect with some close friends in a fun setting. Hopefully, this small break will be the refresher I need. 

  • Right now, I have this weird cloud over me. A sense of sadness, unmotivated, and just… bleh. It is Monday, but I’m usually not like thid on Mondays. I don’t really know how else to explain it or what triggered it. All I know is that I don’t like it…

  • I’m considering leaving the Xangaforever group on FB. So many people whining, complaining, bitching… just a big reminder of childish middle and high school drama. Even the name of the group now seems ironic with the kinds of detractors who occupy it.

    Something that made me laugh so hard (out of sheer response to their ignorance) is how replying to a supporter of the Xanga fundraiser that people need to cool it is, “Freedom of speech. If you don’t like it, GTFO.” I laugh because the person who said it thinks that their opinion is worth more than the other. Freedom of speech works both ways. So, my exercising of freedom of speech to your freedom of speech is fuck your opinion and your use of freedom of speech.

    Nowadays, people are looking for more opportunities to throw someone under the bus. It’s a crying shame, really. You have people who care deeply for a cause, doing whatever they can to save something that means so much to others and themselves. Then you have people who only wish to take these supporters’ faces and rub it in the mud. For the sake of what? This “ill-conceived notion of self righteousness that exists nowhere else except in your own little world?”

    When humanity falls apart, I don’t want to be a part of it. You find me instead carrying as many people as I can until they can get on their own feet again and thus pay it forward.

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